Lace is Finished!

I finished 22" of lace this morning! I spent 74 hours on it. Also, the smocking I made for the next outfit. I should have smocked in a different color because the light green is too light to show the white contrast. Live and learn. I'm going to make the smocking into a pinafore and use the darker green as the dress. I'm going to make a little hat and shoes out of the darker green, too. I'll do a feather stitch in white on the dress, hat, and shoes (maybe). I have ideas for three more outfits, too, and I'm hoping to get them done next week, but it will probably take at least two weeks. I can't wait to get that money and buy lace books!!

Dyeing

I'm dyeing fabric today. I've done two shades of periwinkle and two shades of chartreuse. I get so inspired watching the fabric change in the dye bath. When I start, I don't know what I'll make with them, but then as I watch over them, the inspiration floods in. Each batch takes 50 minutes, and I do two batches at a time. Next is coral pink. Hopefully I can do sky blue today as well. Ill post a photo in this post tonight And I finished my smocking. I need one of those wash out blue pens!

Update: The pink SO did not work out. I stopped for the day. I like these colors. I'll do four batches tomorrow and four batches on Friday. Then I'll have a collection of all my colors. And there are three new dyes I need, too. At least three. Maybe four. First I need money!

Update 2: I was up in the middle of the night and dyed four more batches. Six more batches to do, after I get some more salt. Probably not today. These are sage green and sky blue.

Outfits of Days Gone By...

Smocking

I finished a piece of smocking on blue mini gingham this weekend. I out white points on the hem and did embroidery on them. Then I put in a whipped running stitch around the cuffs, collar, and the pointed side of the hem. I'm really happy with it. I sized it for my doll, whose arm fell off this morning. I'm not loving her today. I'm working on a new piece of smocking on a piece of lawn which I have dyed a pale green. The actual name is yucca green. I'm going to do the smocking all in white, and then either do a hem stitch (easy) or a hand stitches scalloped edge (probably more trouble than it's worth). Knowing me, I'll probably do the more complicated hem. I'll decide after the smocking is finished. This piece is for a 14" Kish. I need money for lace books!

Finally

Far far away from ideal, but I'm happy to have finished. Well, except for the hair and costume--those are easy. I'm starting to like her.

My Struggles

I think it's important to talk about mental illness. There is such a stigma attached to it, and a general feeling (that I pick up on, at least), that's it's not real. My mental illness is a huge factor in my life. It prevents me from leaving the house, from accomplishing simple tasks, from keeping a steady job, from meeting simple obligations. I put some pressure on myself yesterday to work on my doll, and I completely shut down. Today I have residual stress and anxiety that prevents me from going to lace class, and I won't be able to go to lace club tonight. I should just get over it? If only it were that simple. I've tried to get over this since I was eight. Partly, I'm sure, it was worsened by being the wrong sex. Certainly it was aggravated by being raised by an alcoholic. It was at the very worse when I left home for college, when I would have done anything to get away from home. Today is a real struggle. I woke up in the middle of the night and did a little work on my doll. In the light of the day, I found faults, of course. I undid the work, and will try to work it again today. I have so much pain about these dolls, but I'm compelled to make them. Or one. I second guess what sort of doll I should be making. But these things are normal for doll makers. I guess the only thing different for me is my reaction to set backs. A set back can paralyze me for days, so that I am unable to do anything. Right now, the only thing that consistently brings me joy and soothes me is lace making, but without the dolls, there is no application for it. I do have a rescue drug, and I will take it today. I call it The Big Pill. It has terrible side effects, but nothing brings me back to reality like this pill. So I will take it, and hopefully I can get my cooking done today. Two batches of beans, salad fixings, dinner. I'll be in the kitchen all day. I wish I could be at the lace pillow. Maybe I can squeeze some work in.

Lace 13 In Progress

I'm still working away! I'm more than halfway through this piece.